So! I had Antonio on March 3rd at 11:58 pm.  I would like to thank everyone from Facebook and Twitter for all the congrats and e-love.  I swear that majority of you treat me better than family.  So this is what happened after the birth of Antonio.  The doctors spent about 30-45 minutes after birth massaging my uterus (you know the game if you have had a baby)…I breastfed and he stayed in the room for like another 30 minutes or so….the nurse handed me a pill…for my blood pressure…said I would leave the delivery room after 2 hours because of the IV drugs I had. That’s all I remember….the rest my husband told me.

Mind you I had a BP injection around noon in OB receiving….and that big ass bag of Magnesium that was on constant flow via IV from 1pm till 11pm…..I had enough blood pressure medication for 3 people honestly.  But what can you say when you are the patient…you are young..and they assume you are uneducated because you are young with so many children?

What I was told: I asked to go to the bathroom.  I made it in there to the toilet and I started sweating, dry heaving, my eyes rolled back in my head, and I was basically gone.  My husband said he was shaking me, begging me to wake up, he was in a panic and said he screamed for a nurse but naturally no one heard him…then he remembered the cord in the bathroom to pull for the nurse.  They ask him what’s going on, he says he told them I was out and not breathing, they all run in…they said I had no pulse, they did CPR (I only believe them because of the bruises on my chest…and the fact that it hurts like a bitch!) they asked him to leave the room……

Its 4:50am and I wake up in recovery position and ask “Why am I still down here?” “I thought I was going to my room at 2:30am?” And then doctors come in the room…”What’s your name”, “What’s today’s date”, “*Insert stupid ass question here*” bullshit like that…I know my name, I know the date…but wtf happened? “Your blood pressure got too low sweetie” ….well if you all woulda been less generous with the meds…. At this point I ask what my BP is and they tell me 77/46….so imagine how much lower it was.

The way my husband looked at me when I opened my eyes….The way he looks at me now..like I’m fragile…like he’s relieved that I’m still here….like if he never appreciated me…he does now. Its scary.  I get asked 20 times a day “are you ok” “are you about to pass out” “do you feel like you are going to pass out” Its just strange….

I didnt see a white light….I didnt talk to any dead people…I didnt ask to go back to earth if I was sent anywhere at all….God knows it wasnt my time. I am not going to become more religious…I am not gonna to turn into some weird church lady on my soapbox of righteousness…..I am here…I am not dead as many times as I attempted suicide in the past……..just not today ok?

I dont know what to say….just not today :)